It's a small world after all....

I'm always commenting that Denver is small. Small, small, small...and we all tend to hang in the same circles. This can be lots of fun when navigating the ex-BF scene. Luckily, I don't have too many of those exes that are painful/embarassing/horrible to run into around town. However, there is always the chance that you might run into an ex while dropping off a current fling in the morning...because why wouldn't they live in the same building??? I digress...

A recent story that I enjoy involves my new roommate, actually. She mentioned she was thinking of trying onilne dating so I gave her two words of warning. 1. people are mostly weird. 2. You will date someone that has previously dated a friend/co-worker/roommate/etc. It's Denver. Denver is that small.

I begin to tell her about this blog and about some of my finer moments of online dating. I was explaining the akward, uncomfortable, and strange texts I was recieving from "Are you Naughty?" (see below) when she blurted out..."WAIT, OMG, you know ____!" You see, as I was telling the story she kept thinking it all sounded familiar until coming to that lightbulb moment where we dicovered that "Are you Naughty?" is her old roommate, the one who was horribly gross and was asked to leave (kicked out)...thus making the room available for me.

Yep, folks, Denver really is THAT SMALL. Denver can be small in very good ways too, like this past weekend when I ran into two kids from my old neighborhood, a friend from Junior League and my new roommate totally unplanned and all at the same bar.

The adventure continues! I wonder who I'll run into next...

Those other dramas.....

I always intended for this blog to primarily be about my (mis)adventures in dating, but wanted to leave it open to writing about life in general. So here we go...some of life's other dramas.

As some of you know, I recently lost the best uncle in the world, my Uncle Joe. He is greatly missed! He tragically passed away quite unexpectedly after suffering stroke followed by a short stay in the hospital. He never regained consciousness and my brave and amazing Aunt Ann was there to make the decision to remove the ventilator and let God's will be what it may. I'm most thankful that I got to spend a good amount of time with Uncle Joe while I lived in Boston, as he lived just north of the city. He was a kind, patient, generous man...and it's simply not fair that he is no longer with us. I cherish the time I got to spend with him. I could write paragraph after paragraph about him...but for now I will leave it at that.

In addition, while healing emotionally from the loss I started a short term contract position which was followed shortly thereafter with a job offer for a permanent position with an interactive CRM agency downtown. I'm now three (stressful) weeks into the new gig and I'm simply exhausted. I'm dealing with a learning curve, no training program, and a tough role for a PITA client. Generally I can say that I do like it, and I work with some amazing people. More on the job front later. I do have to say that I'm disappointed that my new work situation is cutting into my dating time, I'm simply too tired to put that much effort forth in finding "the one" after 5pm. Still (always) searching though!

Note: lots of attractive men work in Downtown Denver. Eye candy...yes, please. Thank you!

Time for a guest blog! That really happened....to someone else.

Here it is, the first of many "guest appearances" on my blog. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there suffering through disaster dates. Below is a nice little entry from a very dear friend we'll just call JF. That really happened to her!

Who: Star Wars Super Fan
How We Met: Match.com
How Many Dates: 3

The Story: I went on 3 dates with Star Wars Super Fan. He was a nice guy, we both had worked at Disneyland and movie theatres and had a shared love of the Muppets. He was on the shorter end of the spectrum and a little hyper. Oh and he did that cr*ppy move where he asks you out for another date before you are even finished with the current date. His nickname was Tigger because he bounced when he was excited. But like I said, he was a nice guy. The moment I knew I had to end it with Star Wars Super Fan was when he took me to see Attack of the Clones. Now I love Star Wars as much as the next person, but he took it to a whole new level. Whenever Yoda came on screen, he would literally bounce up and down in his seat. He caught air he bounced so high! How could I go through life with someone who jumped up and down like he was on a pogo stick whenever he saw a Jedi Master?

After I ended the relationship, we decided to remain friends. One night he invited me over to his house to watch a movie. I walked into his apartment and the living room walls are all painted electric blue. LEGO X-Wing fighters and Tie-Fighters are hanging from the ceiling as if in mid-battle. The couch is draped with a Yoda blanket. The rug has a Star Wars theme. The dining room wall was covered with Star Wars figurines still in their packaging as if they were hanging at Toys-R-Us. As the apartment tour continued into the bedroom, I became speechless. His bedroom walls were painted, well, Yoda green. On his nightstand was a life-size Yoda. Now I ask you, what women in her right mind is going to have sex while Yoda looks on? That was the first and only time I visited Star Wars Super Fan’s apartment.

I eventually moved out of state but still kept in touch with Star Wars Super Fan. He emailed me one day to say he was going to be on VH1. He gave me the day and time but not the name of the show. I tune in with three of my male friends and a show called “Totally Gay” comes on. My friends and I sat through 45 minutes before Star Wars Super Fan made an appearance. He was on a segment about straight men adopting gay men’s grooming habits. Then Star Wars Super Fan says “I really like it when a girl sticks her finger up my a**.” All three of my friends turned to me as if I was the culprit. I never went beyond first base with Star Wars Super Fan so that was not my handiwork.

Last I hear Star Wars Super Fan was happily in love.

Are you naughty? (December 2009)

Alright, around the holidays it’s just too easy to make the “naughty or nice” jokes. It’s flirtatious and fun. It can also be taken too far, too quickly. Like when you’ve never met the person before. So dating around the holidays is weird and awkward. People have hectic schedules, people are out of town, work is busy, work is dead, etc. So I emailed Omaha (as we’ll call him) through match a few times before giving him my phone number. We began texting as well. Nothing out of the ordinary, just the get to know you type stuff. We planned to meet up when he got home from spending the holidays in Nebraska. I was on the way home from a friend’s house late one Saturday night when the texts started pouring in from Omaha. They started out innocent enough. Asking about my holiday, what I was doing, what I was wearing (???) before turning, well, downright inappropriate. Before too long he was asking me to send him dirty text messages. That’s not how I roll. Especially if I’ve never met you. I told him to grow up. I stopped returning his texts. Yes, this stuff really does happen to me.

If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.

Go ahead, you can touch it if you want. (December 2009)

Maybe I’m being way too kind by giving men “the benefit of the doubt”. Chances are if I’m getting a weird vibe from them on the first date, it’s because they are weird. Also, I might need to stop dating Texans. Neither her nor there. So date one with Texas Meathead took us to the local sushi joint with a bar in the basement. Drinks were $5. I had two. Guess who paid? I did. Strike one. I also had to walk to my car alone that night. Strike two. But I was flattered when he texted the next morning, so I agreed to a second date. *Note: I had a bad vibe from the start of date 1. Ladies, trust your instincts.* For our second date he suggested Mexican food and margs. Perfect, I’m on a mission to find Denver’s best marg. He suggested Lime in hip and happening Larimer Square. Apparently on Friday nights this restaurant should be called “Club Lime”. Really Lime, techo and house music at 8pm while people are eating? Come on, you’re better than that! Or maybe not. So at some point early in the evening I was asked by Texas Meathead how many times that day I had worked out. It was Friday, I was tired. I did not get up early to go to the gym. I worked all day. I said zero. You would have thought I said I kick puppies for fun with the look I got. You see, he’d been to the gym three times that day. He proceeded to flex his bicep to prove it. He also said “go ahead, you can touch it if you want to.” I didn’t want to touch it. I wanted to vomit in his general direction. Then when our food came (which was a piss poor excuse for Tex-Mex, at best. I seriously think I’ve had better food at Taco Bell. But I digress…) Texas Meathead was so focused on shoveling food in his mouth that I’m pretty sure he didn’t take a single breath for 5 minutes. That’s how long it too him to eat his food. 5 minutes. On a date. I thought maybe I was confused and that he had entered us in a speed eating contest. I half expected him to slam his marg then beat his chest while proclaiming “Meathead full”, followed by a belch. So at this point Texas Meathead goes to the bathroom and I strike up a conversation with a nice gentleman at the bar. Texas Meathead didn’t like that one bit because before I knew what was happening he told me to get my coat, stormed out of “Club Lime”, and marched through Larimer Square. At this point I decided he was ridiculous, so I stopped walking. I was left on a street corner with my mouth hanging open as he stormed off in the general direction of his car. Date over! At least he paid for the crap food and horrible margs!

If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.

The boyfriend. (June 2009 - December 2009)

Since I’m still looking back at this point, now’s the time I can tell you about my last boyfriend, The Lawyer. The Lawyer from Texas (hold on to that nugget because you’ll notice a theme.) The Lawyer taught me a lot. He was nice, he liked me, he called when he said he would, he held doors, he held my hand. He showed me exactly how I should be treated. He genuinely was a nice guy. We met online at a very weird time in my life. I had been laid off from Dream Job in Oregon and decided to move home to Denver. The first two things I did were booked movers and updated my match profile with a Denver zip code. I met The Lawyer almost right away, but wouldn’t be moving home for about another two months. We started exchanging emails about once every 3-4 days until I was back in Denver. Our first date was your typical drinks at a bar, but we stayed out much later than planned just talking. We went to a Rockies game that following week, then went out for sushi the week after that. It progressed from there and the first two months were simply fantastic. He was thoughtful. He was (is) ambitious. He had (has) a good job. Then something changed. I can’t pinpoint it, but it was about half way into our four month relationship that something was different. I knew it. I shouldn’t have stuck around for another two months waiting for the other shoe to drop. I should have trusted my gut. Things didn’t get “bad” per say, they just were not the same. So I finally decided around the end of November that I’d get through the holidays, spend New Years Eve with him…and that would be the make-it-or-break-it point. No need to wait until NYE, he did the breaking right after Thanksgiving. He’s “too busy”, but breaking up is the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. (GAG) Well he’s had a pretty fantastic life then if that’s what he considers “hard”. Good for him. (No really, I don’t have hard feelings and I’m in the process of seeing if we can be friends. I miss his friendship a lot.) It worked out though, because I was able to return the Xmas gift I bought him, buy a new outfit for me, and wear it out to the bars that Saturday night. Of all the gin joints in all the world…we had to end up at the same damn place that night of course. Denver is so very small sometimes. I know I saw him. I know I spoke to him. Hell if I know what I said, I was hammered from all the guys buying me drinks because I looked hot in my new clothes. And he was dressed like an elf. Happy holidays, I win.

Portland. Like Boulder, only closer to the ocean. (June 2008 - June 2009)

Moved to Portland only knowing two people there, they happened to be engaged to each other. Not a large circle of friends. So I thought I’d try something different this time and I joined eHarmony. Filled out the bazillion question survey and was deemed worthy of joining their service. I now question their criteria for 1) selecting people for their site 2) setting those people up with me. I pretty much met everyone that was the exact opposite of me and what I was (am) looking for. My two favorites were the small town guy (with closed-minded small town views) and the single dad. I never actually met the single dad in person, one phone call was enough to realize that I should run (not walk) away very, very quickly. We were discussing the areas of town we were living in and our living situations. He was living in a two bedroom condo with a set price for his rent and utilities. He had a really good deal (read: cheap) for a nice, large, new place in a good area. He was complaining that he thought rent was too high and he really needed to save money. His idea was to rent out his friend’s garage to live in for $200/month. Yes, garage. As in move the lawn mower and mountain bike to make room for a mattress. When I asked about the weekends his son was with him, inquiring as to weather he was going to make his son also sleep in the garage, he informed me that his hope was to meet a woman that he and his son could stay with on those weekends. He was looking for free rent, not a girlfriend.

If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.

Sleepless (and boyfriend-less) in Seattle (March 2006 - May 2008)

Ah, Seattle. Great city, poor dating options. While I was living there it was voted one of the top 10 cities for singles. What were they smoking? I want some! In Seattle I met the geeky Microsoft guy who used a discount card on our second date at a horrible restaurant. I met the engineer that ensured me he was not “a typical engineer”. Yes, yes you are. Socially awkward. Inappropriate conversation. Typical engineer. Wait, inappropriate conversation? You want more details on that? Okay…well the words “penis” and “vagina” were used, complete with gestures. Yes, that really did happen. On a date. In public. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Of course my final fling in Seattle was with the English Soccer Player. He was tall, really tall. He had an accent. He coached soccer and thus had a completely opposite schedule than I did. He worked from 2-10pm on weekdays, and was coaching or playing almost every weekend. Most of our “dating” consisted of texting, late evening run-ins, and the occasional evening at the bars with the friends who introduced us. He had no money so we hardly ever went out for dinner, but he did have an accent and therefore he was given a lot more slack than I’d normally allow other men. Did I mention that he was tall, played soccer and had an accent? Our relationship ended when I moved to Portland. Which he found out about through the friends who introduced us. About a month after I moved. Whoops, I guess I forgot to call him.

I still think penis/vagina guy comes close to topping the list of bad dates. Thanks for that, Seattle!

If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.

A few good men, the Boston installment. (July 2003 – March 2006)

While I had my fair share of New England disasters, there were some really good dates (and good men) thrown in there too. Best date while I lived there, hands down, was the surprise date to Newport. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going, other than to lunch. He made sure I had the whole day open, and he took me to Rhode Island. We had lunch in Newport, did the mansion cliff walk, and went to the Tennis Hall of Fame. Great day. There were some great dates surrounding the Red Sox as well. I’ll never forget watching the Red Sox win the World Series with Worm in 2004. (Yes, he had a compost in his kitchen in Somerville, complete with worms. Hence the nickname.) There was a great date while the Tribe was in town…hot, hot, humid day but great seats with a great guy made it not quite as bad. And the Palm. One of the best first dates EVER. Great conversation, great chemistry, great food. The second date was almost as good as the first with a pizza and the Red Sox on TV at his house (my idea). Oh, and there were numerous first dates at great restaurants in the North End. Sounds like I ate my way through Boston on these dates, huh? That was the idea! Between the North End, Sam Adams beer, and Fenway Park there were some home runs in New England to balance out the disasters.

Hope, still hanging on to that hope.

Park your car in Harvard Yard (July 2003 - March 2006)

Boston. Three years of my life in my early to mid 20’s. Boy did that prove to be a good time for adding to the list of disaster dates. And some good ones too. But first the disasters. There was the guy who made plans and then disappeared on me…three times (my fault for that one). There was the guy who was completely different in person than what he had written on his match profile. (How can you go to Univ. of Florida and HATE football???) There was the Frog Pond skating date that was rained out and then turned into an uncomfortably long dinner in Beacon Hill. There was the teleski guy from New Hampshire who keeps his sleeping bag in the car…just in case. He also told me that teleskiing gives him great leg muscles, and if I was lucky he’d show me sometime. (I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit…please don’t say things like that on a FIRST DATE!) Then there was the entire disaster situation with the roommate of a nephew of a friend of a friend (got that?) which was on and off for six months. He was cute and it was fun while it lasted! I’m racking my brain for more, I KNOW there had to be other disasters. I’ll revisit when I can add to the list.

If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.

Adventures in Dating: Denver Take 1 (January 2002 - June 2003)

I guess I could back up even further to Fort Collins or Boulder, and entertain you with stories of dating while in college. Although I really don’t count random fraternity guys buying me nachos and a Presidente Margarita at Chili’s “dating”…even if said frat guy did happen to pick me up at the Kappa house and we sat at a table for two. So I’ll just begin (from what I can remember) with my post-collegiate stories. I’m pretty sure I’ll remember the disasters better than the semi-good dates. Let the games begin…

What I do remember from dating in my early 20s was how random I was. If a seemingly nice guy was interested in me, I wasn’t interested in him. If a totally unavailable and inappropriately young guy wasn’t interested in me at all…boy was I chasing after that! So here are a few notes from what I can recall:

**I was encouraged not to date anyone affiliated with the professional sports team I worked for. Who do you think my main targets were???

**If you tell your boyfriend (and I use that term very loosely) where to park in downtown Denver, you should also try to remember where that not-so-secret location is at 2am. It’s also not advised to chase tequila shots with several Rio margs. Bad night.

**Even if your boyfriend drives a Jeep, when the authorities say to stay off the roads, stay off the roads. Otherwise you will be snowed in with someone you really didn’t really want to spend all that much time with, even if he is your boyfriend. Lesson learned the hard way!

**Massachusetts accents are cute when you live in Denver. But, that doesn't mean you should date someone just because of their accent. Unless they are English...

I'll add more stories as they come to mind. Apparently the alcohol has in fact impaired my memory. Go figure!

You can't make this stuff up!

I decided to start this blog at the prompting of a few good friends. We’ve all had our fair share of bad dates. We’ve had our share of good ones too! As I go through life searching for meaningful connections with people I meet in various ways, there are bound to be a few stumbles along the way. Here are my stories. The good. The bad. And the ugly. I hope they make you laugh. They may even make you cry. But at least you and I both know that we are not alone. Adventures in Dating…

**note: names are changed or nicknames given so as not to disclose true identity. This is not intended to offend, but rather to make you laugh.**

I'm dedicating this first post to Koko, since she was the straw that broke the camels back and got me off my tail to start this blog. Thanks Koko!